Nationals are finally over

Its been a long time. Its over. We stuck together. We are one.

its over or is it just the beginning

ok. wow.
firstly, it rocks totally to have cts over. i shall blog frequently from now on. the next 2 weeks should be cool. ok firstly, now im freaking bored. but i have to mug somemore. MOREEE :( but fri ive got tution at like orchard. prolly gonna have awesome dinner yay! sucks to have a freaking huge uler la. everything cant enjoy. but yea, sat gonna be fun. gonna burn the morning away, and then wake up have lunch with eliz and leonard and then cip(read:slack) till 10 hahahhaa. awesome much huh? prolly i gna pon at 6 + and dinner somewhere good. hopefully ulcer'll be good by then. and then next week is like 3 days sch. 2 days hols. and then nats come. oh wow. sucks like shit. totally when im totalyl gonna be reserve only. dont you know how much ive always wanted to SHOOT nats. and not just go there. why cant the @#$%^ coach ever give me a chance. even when i was good, he didnt even give me a chance. oh wells, im going all out for NUSIS. yup.

and i still feel betrayed and lied to. why do i have this gut feeling that you actually felt angry when i said it. theres a part of me that believes that u wanted this as well, and thats why i went for it. i had the support of my friends and thats why i still went for it even if the odds were so damn low. i know he's just a friend to you so i dont really care, you can tell your parents for all you want. im gonna play a slow game. i tried the hot shot way. i failed. ill win this time. i always do. if i ever find out that i was betrayed, ill feel damn hurt and angry too. i know im losing you. somehow. someway. but im determined to get you back. wouldnt it be nice to have some1 to eat with, share secrets with, confide with, take care of, some1 closer than a friend?

and i so wanna cook man. i swear to god im gonna start finding recipes and cook. I WANT TO FREAKING COOK MY OWN MEALS AND AWESOME FOOOOOOD!!!!!

its dam late and im gonna rant and whine. im bored. very bored

CTs

whoa cts are here. in 12 hrs econs will be over zomg. its damn freaking fast. hols just flew over la ;/ no matter ill step up to the plate and give my best. i think ill do well la. must be confident right? cant go wrong la. and omg i just realized why im so lean with a low bmi with chest pains and diff breathing and like ill get sudden death? wth wth. oh wells, gna sleep early .nights

a new dawn a new beginning

CTs start tmr. and im still sleeping at like 2 am. although its earlier and earlier alr. frm like 430 to 3, 2.30, 2. oh wells, postive side, ive done about 90% mugging for almost all. give and take for various subs. negative side, im nt even done and not very confident. :( studies aside, ive been thinking alot about my shooting, and NUSIS has got to be my last, if im nt going for OPEN. i swear im giving my all, ill sacrifice slog whatever for it. i know u guyz want me to know my limits and not go too far to achieve my dream, i thank u for your concern, but i want to end my 6 years of shooting knowing ive given my all. i may not be the best or hit 500 again. but at least i wanna know ive really given my very best. hopefully physio will help together with taping. NUSIS my last my best my memory LAST BEST MEMORY! if i hit a PB however unlikely it may sound, its really the icing on the cake. i know theres no team prize coming cos its gonna be made up of junk ppl put together. no matter, i will push my limits.

ciao

tired

im feeling the toll of late nights alr. starting to fall sick and feeling weak >.< agggrh i needa hold on another month at least!

my earliest sleep in awhile now i think. cos leonard needs notes so bball tmr ^^

troubled and sad

for some reason, ive been forced to dig up my unhappy past. a sad one. the key to unlocking my future lies in my past i guess. i am who i am cos of those events. ive tried moving on, and it hasnt succeeded. The Fray-How to save a life is perhaps one song recently ive heard again that resembles me in a way. Im so addicted to I made it by kevin rudolf and jay sean and lil wayne and birdman. wow. i played it for one whole day of mugging. awesomez. dont i just dream about that too?

release

wow. awesome day. managed to excape the stupidness of my life by going for bday celeb! yup shant elaborate more! but it was way fun... ^^ new dawn, new beginning. physio and physics test tmr. aggrh. sure die la. my phy not even 10% covered. gna sleep now and wake early to mug like HELL!

bye world

Untitled

wow, what a week it's been. its been a long time since i blogged. my life's upside down since mid Sec 2, maybe its time i finally find the key to unlock my life. People always say ive been living a shadown of myself, and im much capable of better things, maybe they're right, cos at times when i really see myself pushing, i can do dam well. Wonder how ill be when im at my limits. But physically and mentally im not ready, My body's totally over burnt out, and mentally depressed. Im troubled by my relationships with people, school work shooting, and the ugliness of human nature. ok, i really needa sleep more to let my body recover, and my entire injured poor body heal. maybe ill decide not to be anti-social in school finally? like cheston and y'all say, its really actually a choice i made, cos when i reach safra, its goddamn obvious im dam sociable. and yea, maybe i shld just stop flirting about, maybe get serious. idk, bad year to start a rltnship. and anw my parents are so damn against it anw. but im HELL NOT a player. and i love my awesome jrs, we had such a special bond. really. school worl, damn, im getting the hang of GP, i think i just aced my common test. but my chem's getting better, and its time i start finding the key to unlocking my other subs too. TIME. i need time and inspiration. shooting, im not in nats again. wow. 6 years. u know how shitty that feels? seriously, its nt like i dont train hard or anything. i give my best. so anyway, i dont have to train at all till after nats? HOPEFULLY im reserve. still very very unlikely, given its COACH.... but i really hope to end my shooting career on a high with NUSIS? hopefully physio does wonders.PLEASE OH GOD. is it so damn hard to get a wish granted? life has always been unfair to me. time to make a change huh? and yea, i really think im good at being a psycologist. :D time to continue mugging. im so darn unproductive. i needa focus!!!

ciao

231209 another rubbish training

ok todays training was really a waste of time? i realized that its actually really simple to get in the 9 ring actually. im pretty sure if i solve my physical problem, the gun should be much steadier and should all be in the 9 ring. but my mental is still not there. i still cannot focus well, and im really afraid that when theres added pressure it will all break down. im pretty sure my way of shooting now should reduce all kinds of pressure by ALOT. and i need to find out how to be consistent. people will definitely say focus and concentration. but mine is physical that results in the inconsistency. i guess i really need to see a doctor soon

221209

what a roller coaster ride. first shot=10 hahah then my grping was really kinda small for the first card.simply put i predicted my whole training would be UP-DOWN-UP. have to figure how to settle the DOWN. the middle part i feel is mental n physical. i feel that ive been shooting quite well and want to keep that up. BUT my arm will be damn crap. so today i juz anyhow randomly shoot the middle 50 shots. to try to reduce pressure, whilst seeing how to cope with an aching arm. so anw i purposely forced myself to fire till 140 shots. so my hand felt like CRAP. but funny thing is i realize that my last 20 shots. i managed to pull of avg 90- THROUGH AN AMAZINGLY EXTREMELY SHAKY ARM AND PAIN. HOW????

211209

PROBLEM-SOLUTION

i have to reduce my pressure. ill have to learn to take trainings and competitions as a joke and stop adding unnecessary pressure. i have what it takes to shoot a 540, or at least 530. definitely hit 510. i realise that i do better in my last series. music helps me. must learn how to cope with an unsteady hand. trigger too light?

ok, first things first. rapid fire time and just relax and treat everything as a joke? pretty hard when i know subconciously im trying to obtain good results. try try try.

191209 December Monthly Shoot at HTNS

i shot a 451.

-i was not feeling well
-arm was not right
-mentally not strong
-gave myself too much pressure
-first time i shot a 1 since i started
-first time i shot a 0 since i started. it was on the card
-shot a 10.8
-hand was NEVER steady.
-my first shot was a 1 :( i sorta kinda broke down totally
-music REALLY helps me.
-my last series is always the best
-i shoot better when im finally tired and it juz pushes everything aside and i juz focus on the action
-i still cant concentrate and block out my neighbouring competitors(PROBLEM - to ask coach)

HOW TO BOUNCE BACK??? HOW>?? im disappointed, and so is everyone else :S :(

171209

i must say today's training was a totally different outlook from yesterday. in a good way i guess. yesterday was totally bleak.

i started today still sick. and my first 20 shots were really bad also like only 2 in the 9 ring? pretty horrible i guess. so i just decided to try and revamp and relearn shooting pistol. MY WAY. i made alot of changes to how im shooting now. first the old way: trigger too light, aiming right at the bottom of the card, TRY to maintain a relationship between the front and rear sights, aim for about 20 seconds, VERY VERY wobbly. now the new way: aiming somewhere close to the bottom of the black ring, NOT much of a relationship--> if the rear sight is higher, ill aim the gun higher, i just use the front sight to guide, it has to touch the bottom of the black ring then, aim for moderate timing, if wobbly, DO NOT shoot, put the gun down and massage arm, try not to put too much pressure on myself.


i realised that this way of shooting was pretty VERY WEIRD.BUT HELL, it takes my mind of the pressure and keeps me like trying to dont bother bout the relationship and stuff. very dangerous but it managed to actually get me to shoot something like what i used to do 1 year ago. all in the 9 ring except for 2 out? gives me a pretty decent score now.

i shot a whopping 130 shots today? long time since i done that. and funny thing is it REALLY feels like what i felt last time, even when my arm is pain, i find that i can still find a way to shoot. WHY??? no answer yet. will try to ask coach when he gets back i guess.

COMPETITION: Saturday 19/12/2009

Detail 1
Preparation Time: 0920hrs
Competition Time: 0930hrs - 1115hrs (APM/ARM)
Lane 8

What i need to do during this competition. DO what i did today. not anything more. not anything less. my aim isnt about score. ive just got to do exactly what i did. thats all. im bound to make mistakes, but hell who cares, im a human yea? BUT if what i REALLY want, ill still aim to 1st beat my last monthly shoot, aim to get at least 515, not have any loose shots, not do stupid stuff like even when not in the right frame of mind also gung ho whack.

aurevoir
sky

161209 allhopeseemslost?orjustanewbeginningforme?

sad? angry? disappointed? pained? i dunno the words to describe how i feel. im not exactly in the best of shape this week. down with a cold and fever's the last thing i can expect right before a competition. but i told myself that if im in it, ive got to give it my best shot. like my previous monthly shoot which i went in like right after 2 trainings only after a 9 month break? even though my arm was in ALOT of pain then, i still forced myself to complete it. pure determination? or just plain stupid. i dunno, u tell me?

anyway, today's was a surprise, cos coach tole me the day before that he wanted me to try a new way of shooting; quick shooting cos he agreed with me that i should be shooting quickly, like QUICKLY. then today he like just say shoot mock competition. oh wells, i thought it was kinda ok too, cos any mistake can try to rectify on thurs? so he gave us some cool coach pep talk right before our shoot, which i thought was SUPER enlightening. TAKEAWAY 1when you are shooting a string of good shots, you will tend to want to make sure the next shot is just like that too when you dont expect it. This is what happens to me too i guess. So coach says do not focus on that idea, cos it will give u smth more to think about. no point. just focus on your relationship and the target and all the normal stuff!! so anw i started with the mock right after that. TAKEAWAY 2DO NOT TAKE TOO LONG TO DO THE SIGHTERS!!! well as can be seen above, i keep taking too long to do the sighters and waste my energy and confidence. i wanted to assure myself that as long as i kept my relationship right and shot roughly around that area, i could get a 9 at least. well i kinda manage to do that. TAKEAWAY 3Just maintain your relationship and do not take too long to fire, UNLESS you are super super confident my first 6 shots could tell me roughly how the rest were gonna go. they were HORRIBLE. im pretty sure theres no point in mentioning what went wrong cos i really cannot pinpoint at all. lack of concentration? i dont think so. im really not sure. anw all i know is that i juz started blasting music to calm myself down and try to get my game back on. it helped in a way. i did better than the first 20 shots. BIG improvement. still very horrible though. anw TAKEAWAY 4I realize that i may be facing a couple of problems: 1--> my relationship may be problematic, i realize that only when i tilt the gun sideways its better. but with it comes the problem of getting shots top left cos of the recoil. when i aim the gun normally, i cant get a good relationship and if i try the recoil will cause the shot to go super up. 2--> i need to focus more and ignore my neighbouring competitors 3--> try to put my past and expectations away and just focus solely on my shot, and the next shot. VERY VERY HARD AND PROBLEMATIC 4--> lower my expectations alot. i know i managed to average 540 during trainings. like every 10 shots can get in the 9 ring before. but usually would be 8 in the 9 ring and 2 out, still avg 90 per 10 shot card. but then im still expecting it? 5--> today i was feverish still and im like shivering all over. 6--> my arm is still in pain, and im pushing the pain threshold and my body limits. might be a bad idea. working on it. 7--> my arm has not felt steady for 1 year already. its wobbling like HELL. cheston how the HELL do u shoot 580 plus still. its getting late la, ill think if ive got more to add tmr to this stuff. tmrs gonna be a new batch of rantings and collections i guess.

ciao
sky